UFC 1-75 summed up in Tweets

MMA Journalist Jim Genia has seen it all in the world of MMA, having been there since practically the inception of the sport. His new book, “Raw Combat: The Underground World of Mixed Martial Arts“, just came out recently and we had a chance to speak with him as well about it to meet the author, but here is a chance to get to know the writing style of Jim better.

On his twitter account, Jim amuses himself by tweeting abridged versions of every UFC event ever. When I say abridged, I mean it as the tweets condense an entire show into under 144 characters. Take a look and enjoy:

Scrawny Brazilian beats all with complex hugging and squeezing moves, including boxer with one glove and Ken Shamrock. -UFC 1 in tweet form

Pat Smith kills a ninja, but is scared of Royce Gracie being on top. -UFC 2 in tweet form

“If you’re coming on, come on!” says Canadian with epic mullet. -UFC 3 in tweet form

Karate man Keith Hackney punches Joe Son in the nuts 40 times. And it’s legal. -UFC 4 in tweet form

Dan Severn uses t-shirt to wipe armpits and face, in that order, then wins tournament. -UFC 5 in tweet form

Tank Abbott sends Matua into convulsions and rapes Polar Bear. Still loses tournament though. -UFC 6 in tweet form

“Thai kicks to the leg: how do they work?” says Paul Varelans to Marco Ruas. -UFC 7 in tweet form

Man, Oleg Taktarov sure does bleed easily. -Ultimate Ultimate 1 in tweet form

Everything I know about being a man I learned from Don Frye’s moustache. -UFC 8 in tweet form

Hit the jump for the rest!

Tonight, on “So You Think You Can Dance”, it’s the rhythmic stylings of Ken Shamrock and Dan Severn. -UFC 9 in tweet form

The Juggernaut + double-leg takedown = Mark Coleman. -UFC 10 in tweet form

You know it’s a good tournament when Mark Coleman gets to the finals and there’s no one left for him to fight. -UFC 11 in tweet form

Oh my god Tank Abbott killed that man! -Ultimate Ultimate 2 in tweet form

“Hi, I’m Vitor Belfort and I’m here to punch your face off.” -UFC 12 in tweet form

Sure, this Randy Couture guy is tough, but he’s too old to have much of a future in the sport. – UFC 13 in tweet form

No way in hell will a kickboxer ever beat Mark Coleman OH MY GOD MAURICE SMITH DID IT!!! – UFC 14 in tweet form

No way in hell is Vitor Belfort ever going to lose to anyone OH MY GOD RANDY COUTURE DID IT!!! -UFC 15 in tweet form

Sakuraba and Conan Silveira had such a good fight earlier in the show, maybe we should let them fight again. -Ultimate Japan 1 in tweet form

“I like Igor Zinoviev. I think I shall retire him,” said Frank Shamrock. -UFC 16 in tweet form

“Hmmm, I wonder what shin tastes like?” said Mark Coleman. -UFC 17 in tweet form

“I really like Mikey Burnett’s shorts. Do you think he’ll mind if I grab them?” said Pat Miletich. -Ultimate Brazil in tweet form

“I am Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die,” said Bas Rutten. -UFC 18 in tweet form

“Gay Mezger is my T-shirt,” said Tito Ortiz. -UFC 19 in tweet form

Bas Rutten proves that you can win from the bottom, you just have to keep slapping. -UFC 20 in tweet form

Yeah, Marco Ruas is old. -UFC 21 in tweet form

“Beating Tito Ortiz in impressive fashion will be the last impressive thing I do in this sport,” said Frank Shamrock. -UFC 22 in tweet form

“We better do another show in Japan lest this Pride thing take our marketshare,” said Bob Meyrowitz. -UFC 23: Ultimate Japan 2 in tweet form

Jens Pulver can punch and Steve Judson has no chin. -UFC 24 in tweet form

“This long-distance thing isn’t working, Japan. We should see other people,” said Bob Meyrowitz. -UFC 25: Ultimate Japan 3 in tweet form

A UFC in Iowa with Pat Miletich, Matt Hughes and Jens Pulver. Whodathunkit? -UFC 26 in tweet form

Please don’t kick Dan Severn in the knee anymore, okay? -UFC 27 in tweet form

Jens Pulver sends John Lewis into retirement and Couture takes the last belt Kevin Randleman will ever have. -UFC 28 in tweet form

“OK Japan, just this last time. But that’s it. I mean it,” said Bob Meyrowitz. -UFC 29 in tweet form

Tito Ortiz slams Evan Tanner and Jens Pulver cries a lot at Zuffa’s first show. -UFC 30 in tweet form

“I’m going to beat Chuck Liddell and earn my shot at the 205-pound belt. BRB,” said Kevin Randleman. -UFC 31 in tweet form

“So tell me again why Elvis Sinosic is fighting Tito? Did he piss you off?” said Dana White to Joe Silva. -UFC 32 in tweet form

“I’m so excited we’re back on PPV! This is going to be the best UFC ever!” said Dana White. -UFC 33 in tweet form

Carlos Newton: “I’m going to defend my belt with a triangle choke.” Matt Hughes: “OK, knock yourself out.” -UFC 34 in tweet form

Pulver squeaks by Penn and Dave Menne loses belt to Murilo Bustamante via 2nd round diarrhea. -UFC 35 in tweet form

“I love the UFC and will totally be their heavyweight champ forever,” said Josh Barnett. -UFC 36 in tweet form

Matt Lindland is so good, Murilo Bustamante has to tap him out twice to get the win. -UFC 37 in tweet form

“Fox Sports Net is cool, but I really feel like we could turn a crappy network into something,” said Dana White. -UFC 37.5 in tweet form

“Heading to London to easily defeat a Brit striker who knows no grappling. BRB,” said Frank Mir. -UFC 38 in tweet form

Caol Uno, Din Thomas, Matt Serra and BJ Penn in a tournament for the belt-what could go wrong? -UFC 39 in tweet form

“Tito Ortiz vs. Ken Shamrock will be competitive. I swear,” said Joe Silva to Nevada State Athletic Commission. -UFC 40 in tweet form

Tank Abbott returns to make waves in the heavyweight division. Ha. NOT. -UFC 41 in tweet form

Yes, it’s true. If you kick Robbie Lawler in the thigh enough, he will say “ouch”. -UFC 42 in tweet form

“The UFC uses the Unified Rules? Since when? Man, I thought it was vale tudo,” said Wes Sims. -UFC 43 in tweet form

“Look, Tito, if you’re not going to use that LHW belt, I’m just going to take it for myself,” said Randy Couture. -UFC 44 in tweet form

Tank Abbott and team vs. Cabbage and team in a post-fight brawl? Unpossible! -UFC 45 in tweet form

“I’m going out to crush this little Hawaiian lightweight BJ Penn and keep my belt. BRB,” said Matt Hughes. -UFC 46 in tweet form

“I’m still relevant. I swear. Watch me fight Chuck Liddell,” said Tito Ortiz. -UFC 47 in tweet form

“I will not tap to any armbars,” said Tim Sylvia. “No matter,” said Frank Mir. -UFC 48 in tweet form

“You know what your eye needs? Thumb. Lots of thumb,” said Chuck Liddell to Vernon White. -UFC 49 in tweet form

“Savor this win, farm boy, as it will be the last time you ever beat me,” said Georges St. Pierre. -UFC 50 in tweet form

Evan Tanner wins when he’s supposed to lose, and Tim Sylvia loses when he’s supposed to win. -UFC 51 in tweet form

“Just wait ’til I get my hands on you,” said Randy Couture. “Not this time old man,” said Chuck Liddell. -UFC 52 in tweet form

Forrest Griffin-awkward-postfight-mancuddle! -UFC 53 in tweet form

Chuck Liddell defeats Jeremy Horn, and Joe Silva is officially out of ideas. -UFC 54 in tweet form

A 15-second main event + Sean Gannon = letdown. -UFC 55 in tweet form

And the “Best Seizure in an MMA Bout” award goes to… Nate Quarry! -UFC 56 in tweet form

“Just wait ’til I get my hands on you,” said Randy Couture. “Not this time old man. Again,” said Chuck Liddell. -UFC 57 in tweet form

If MMA fights were just one round long, BJ Penn would have totally killed Georges St. Pierre. -UFC 58 in tweet form

And then Andrei Arlovksi’s chin rode off into the sunset, never to be heard from again. -UFC 59 in tweet form

Matt Hughes vs. Royce Gracie, because friends shouldn’t let matchmakers match drunk. -UFC 60 in tweet form

The exciting conclusion to the Tim Sylvia/Andrei Arlovski trilogy that left fans begging for more. NOT. -UFC 61 in tweet form

Forrest Griffin vs. Stephan Bonnar II – because not only does lightning not strike twice, it’s also on steroids. -UFC 62 in tweet form

If MMA bouts were just two rounds long, BJ Penn would’ve so kicked Matt Hughes’ ass. -UFC 63 in tweet form

“I will have no problems striking with this Anderson Silva dude. I mean, how good can he be?” said Rich Franklin. -UFC 64 in tweet form

“From now on, Mr. Hughes, the only way you can beat me is with a bat,” said George St. Pierre. -UFC 65 in tweet form

Forrest Griffin cries, plus Chuck Liddell and Tito Ortiz something, something, something. -UFC 66 in tweet form

Travis Lutter loses title shot by failing to make weight, then loses via sub. See also, “fighter screws pooch”. -UFC 67 in tweet form

Randy Couture is too old and too small to OMG HE JUST CLOBBERED TIM SYLVIA!!! -UFC 68 in tweet form

GSP gets TKO’d because he – and the rest of the world – are unaware Matt Serra has KO power in his hands. Surprise! -UFC 69 in tweet form

Mirko CroCop suddenly and violently learns that he’s not the only one capable of landing crushing high-kick knockouts. -UFC 70 in tweet form

And so endeth the reign of the Iceman. Not with a whimper, but with a HOLY CRAP RAMPAGE KILLED HIM! -UFC 71 in tweet form

Meh. -UFC 72 in tweet form

Despite 19 prior UFC appearances, Tito Ortiz is shocked to learn that fence-grabbing is prohibited. -UFC 73 in tweet form

“I am unimpressed with your wrestling ability,” said Georges St. Pierre to Josh Koscheck. -UFC 74 in tweet form

After years of hard work, hard fights and bloodshed, Quinton Jackson finally gets his PRIDE championship belt. -UFC 75 in tweet form

BONUS: “I ain’t dead yet, muthafuckas,” said Tito Ortiz. -UFC 132 in tweet form